So here are some current photos, it is so good to be able to look back and see where I was and where I am now.
But the hard thing is that my mind still thinks I am where I used to be. I don't write this right now to get any pity but to just tell you what the mind of a used to be fat girl goes through. 9 times out of 10 times when I look in the mirror I still see that size 24 body, even though I'm a 12 right now and have the goal of being an 8.
I got shocked this fall when I got whistled at and sometimes need to look at myself twice in the mirror to see the real me. Losing weight is not just a physical thing, it is also mental and extremely spiritual. Months ago I started to deal with the mental part of this and I am in no way through it yet and may never be. My confidence was no where to be found when I was fat, I was always the one behind the scenes and never ever did I think I would have a boyfriend. I always assumed the friend role and the listener, I was the one in H.S. who people would talk to about their relationship problems. And always told I would make a good wife...I gotta be a girlfriend first people!
When I started this journey, I knew I could succeed but it would be hard. I never realized that it would be a roller coaster, that I would have to deal with things that were said in the J.H. hallways about being the fat kid in order to lose weight. I found myself at a point 20lbs in when out of fear I froze and stopped for a few weeks, the fear was that I don't know how to be just a regular weight, healthy woman. It is a foreign concept for me. Then I realized that I had actually lived a life of fear for a long time.
I was afraid to run...now I'm running a race a month and looking to do a little triathlon in Aug.
I was afraid to be open to any potential boys.....now I met some guys and really enjoyed talking to them.
I was afraid to wear cute clothes.....this past week I was in a dress and leggings!
I was afraid to share my journey with others in case I failed.....now my blog is open for all to read.
I let fear rule me, and that is where the spiritual comes in. You will have to wait to hear that part!
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