Been There, Done That 233.5

Well....I feel off the wagon about 500,000 miles ago and I'm on day 4 of picking back up to chase it down.
My last published post was over 6 years ago. I was in a good spot then but was jumping off the wagon. I had become very relaxed in what I knew worked for my body. Then I slowly one by one returned to my old habits. I began to compromise on the things I enjoyed doing and gave into lazy once again.
I could blame it on having 2 kids within a year, or having an extremely tight budget, or trying to get the kids taken care of so I can work out. But the truth is that I gave up! I quit! I let life get in the way of my self care! I put others above myself. And although there are seasons when that might need to happen in the long run you are the only one that will be around from day one to the last day of your life. No child, no parent, no job and no church will spend every moment with you. So you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself first.
Self care has been a really hard thing for me for most of my life. In fact I think I only got it right for about a year. And I think people exchange the words self care for the word selfish. But that is so wrong. Self care isn't all about the mani/pedi, shopping and over spending. Yes those things are nice and might need to be done every once in a while but that isn't self care. Self care is taking a daily look at your life and investing in the betterment of you and your mental health. Because if you try to keep running on fumes eventually you will collapse.

What self care looks like for me:
-Spend time with God (some days this is 5 minutes and others it can be over an hour)
-Eat breakfast (nothing fancy here, just make sure to do it)
-Exercise (Some days it's as simple as a walk)
-Journal writing (I find that when I can write out my thoughts and feelings then everything really isn't that overwhelming)
-Keeping a clean house (If you come over and my house is extremely messy then you know I'm not in a good place.)
- Take a bath (this is such a funny one to me, but man do I love a good soak. We no longer have a nice big tub so I don't get to do this often but one day I will again!)
Those are a few of things that help me be the best I can be. Honestly it's nothing extravagant but it recharges me.

This past year and a 1/2 has been one of the hardest for me. I went from having 2 beautiful pregnancies and babies to within 9 months experiencing 2 miscarriages. I was depressed. I added 40 lbs. to my body and became extremely addicted to sugar. I was in a deep hole and just surviving by the day to make my family run. Well that time is over and I'm ready to get moving forward.
So welcome back readers and welcome back to the journey.

The responsibility of being someone's inspiration

I've heard it in the most unlikely places from some of the most unexpected people.
Everything from:
"Wow you look great, what are you doing?"
"Watching you change over the years has helped me realize I can do it to."
"Your dedication to exercise has helped me start up again."
"Really a marathon, I don't think I could do one but since you are going to I'll try to train."
"You have really changed your life, how can I?"
"You are my inspiration."
To:
"You are so stupid to run so much."
"Why are you losing weight?"
"You know you will never will a race."

When you chose to change and are around other people who also could use change in their lives, by default you could inspire someone. And even if the compliments aren't all good they are being said because you have caused a stirring within someone. You many have stirred them to recognize their own need for change, or made them feel guilty for decisions they are making.
So you are responsible for that stirring. Now you might say, "What does that mean?". I think that the responsibility means whatever you want it to mean. You could take it personal and feel an obligation to share your journey with others (my blog). You could chalk it up to another compliment to prove you're on the right path and not help anyone. Or you could be an inspiration from afar maybe never talking to the person you inspire due to that fact that you don't even know them.
I will tell you that the most encouraging thing for me is to have a conversation with someone that tells me I have somehow sparked a change in them. Because I know that they will soon inspire someone else. They will have the chance to hear the same words they have spoken to me.
Now to take it one step further. That responsibility also goes to show that every decision you make (to run or not, to drink or not, to eat like crazy or not) is public. What you choose to do can have a negative effect on the people you have inspired! Your actions now not only hurt you but can hurt others too.
So I guess I have to say to all of you out there, take what you have been given in life seriously. God made you who you are so that you can change the world for his good. If he has give you the responsibility of being someone's inspiration don't take it lightly. You could have a huge impact on a future world changer.

Will my mindset EVER change?

Living most of my life overweight has burned an image into my brain that is hard to release.
Things Like:
 -Over indulging because the food is in front of me
 -Always going straight to the plus sizes (I will tell you that shopping is harder when you are thinner b/c the options are endless!)
 -Being LAZY (Having to remind myself daily why I would want to get out of bed at 5am and go workout)
 -Assuming the overweight me is what I'll see in the mirror. And then being surprised by what I truly see.

I know things change with time and I have changed over time, but will I ever have a healthy perspective of myself? Will I ever actually see what I look like or will I always see the flaws?

How do you process the change?
How do you see the truth?
How do you truly love who you are, no matter size?

I guess it comes down to that, I struggle with loving myself. With feeling I'm worth all that Jesus has done for me. With realizing that I truly am worth all this hard work I have been doing. Sometimes the battle is every second and other times it can go months.
I know I'm not the only person in the world that struggles with this, and sometimes it is hard to admit that you do. But if we take it to God and ask for his help then he can help us focus on his perspective and not ours.

Have you ever thought by not loving yourself you are pretty much are telling God that his creation is not good enough for you? That the fact that he formed you, created you and is continuing to change you is really worth nothing if we can't love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves then how can we truly love God's people? How can we truly love God?

Be honest with yourself right here and now, do you love yourself?

I pray that I can find love, be love and give love with all that I have and all that I am. And I too pray that for you!

The 24 day Challenge

Well I decided since I am 20lbs away from my goal that I needed to step things up a little more. So through the wisdom of some friends I have started the 24 day challenge.
You can view here what it is all about.
Mainly I started it because I feel like it is good time to clean out my system and help me finish this journey. I  strongly believe that this isn't the only thing you need to do in life for weight loss and life change but it seems that it could be a great way to reset your system. I'm on day 2 and feeling great, I will keep you posted on this and if you are at all interested in trying it let me know!

20 lbs to go!

Let's just say it is time to post again!
Wow it has been a long time, don't worry I haven't fallen off the wagon. I'm actually losing again!! This morning I saw 184 on the scale!
This last year I lost 12 lbs. it isn't much but it is still 12 lbs. I have lost 6 pant sizes though as I'm gaining muscle and losing fat. But in order to get to my goal weight I have decided to stop spinning and start running full time. So as my goal for this year (to run a race every month) comes to a close and I only have 2 more races to go, I have already set my next goal. I'm training for a marathon! Yep I said it and one thing I have learned over this journey that if I put my mind to it I can achieve it!

I would like to take some time to talk about failure, man is this a hard subject especially when you fear it.
I have proven over these past 2 years that I can change my life forever, that I can do anything I put my mind to. But I always seem to categorize what I can achieve and what I will fail at. Then I run away scared of the things I could fail at. 2 years ago I thought I would fail at changing my life forever and losing weight. But one day I took a step forward and that changed me forever.
Now I still have a lot more places in my life that I'm afraid of, dreams that I have held back on because of fear. Even with my recent success I'm still afraid to fail!
One thing I know is that I can't let failure pull me down, but I also know I need people in my life to push me. God has blessed me with many friends in my life that love me and push me to be the best me God is calling me to be.
Are you the best you that you can be? Are there things in your life that you are afraid of? What would it look like for you to move forward on just one of those things? To take one goal and try to accomplish it?
Look at it this way don't set out to lose 100lbs, set a goal to drink your water, then move onto fruit and eating right, and then start to walk down the street. You will be running and doing more than you ever thought you could before you know it. 2 years ago I was 70lbs bigger , if I had tried to lose 70lbs in a week I won't have and I would have given up. But by setting steps I could accomplish I have become a good eater, a runner and 12 sizes smaller over 2 years. And I have changed my life forever!

I did a Sprint Triathlon!

I don't know why it has taken me this long to write this post but I still feel emotional about this race. And I feel like this post will bring the emotions out, but it is time to share it with all of you.
So here are the specifics of the race of my race on 8/27/11. It was a 500 meter swim, 10 mile bike and a 3 mile run. I actually didn't train for the swim and feel like I did well on it.
My swim time was 16:09.2
Bike time was 41.11.8
Run time 35:31.6
overall time of 1:38:21.7
I feel like I did well but I know I can get a better time.
That being said, there will be a next time. I couldn't believe that the whole time I loved the experience, there was no point that I wanted to quit and all I could think is that ANYONE could do this! And I mean that, if you put your mind to it you can do it. My 1st race that I ran all the way through was on thanksgiving 2010 and it was 4.5 miles. 10 months later I did a Tri!! Anyone could do it!

Now to the emotional stuff, one of the hard parts for me was to end and not have anyone there that was cheering me on. I never thought that I would feel that way, but I really longed for someone to see me finish strong and meet this goal. I am not saying this to make anyone feel bad. It was my fault that I have not invited people in to cheer me on. I have done this journey alone and chose to do so. Besides the occasional  Bravo at weight watchers and accepting a compliment from a friend I haven't shared or asked for people to cheer me on. So I ended my race very tearful...1. for finishing and 2. for finishing alone.
Now I won't say I didn't brag or put it all over facebook, because I did! But I invite you all into this with me, ask me my goals and cheer me on. So that I can do the same for you, we weren't meant to do life alone. Here is a picture of me running, I guess I'm a thumbs up runner!!

Today on the Hwy. I saw a billboard that said Obesity is a disease not a decision. 2 years ago I would have agreed with this statement, but now I feel like the statement is just a copout. It is a decision, and I have proven that! If you change your lifestyle forever you can change your life. It is your decision!

Thanks for reading!!

Great day!

Today I ran my July 5k 33:30...not bad. But I rode 11 miles to the race and then another 19! So I'm tired but happy! Now what to do for tomorrow??