ice, ice baby!

So here are some current photos, it is so good to be able to look back and see where I was and where I am now. 

 

But the hard thing is that my mind still thinks I am where I used to be. I don't write this right now to get any pity but to just tell you what the mind of a used to be fat girl goes through. 9 times out of 10 times when I look in the mirror I still see that size 24 body, even though I'm a 12 right now and have the goal of being an 8.

 I got shocked this fall when I got whistled at and sometimes need to look at myself twice in the mirror to see the real me. Losing weight is not just a physical thing, it is also mental and extremely spiritual. Months ago I started to deal with the mental part of this and I am in no way through it yet and may never be. My confidence was no where to be found when I was fat, I was always the one behind the scenes and never ever did I think I would have a boyfriend. I always assumed the friend role and the listener, I was the one in H.S. who people would talk to about their relationship problems. And always told I would make a good wife...I gotta be a girlfriend first people! 

When I started this journey, I knew I could succeed but it would be hard. I never realized that it would be a roller coaster, that I would have to deal with things that were said in the J.H. hallways about being the fat kid in order to lose weight. I found myself at a point 20lbs in when out of fear I froze and stopped for a few weeks, the fear was that I don't know how to be just a regular weight, healthy woman. It is a foreign concept for me. Then I realized that I had actually lived a life of fear for a long time. 

I was afraid to run...now I'm running a race a month and looking to do a little triathlon in Aug.

I was afraid to be open to any potential boys.....now I met some guys and really enjoyed talking to them.

I was afraid to wear cute clothes.....this past week I was in a dress and leggings!

I was afraid to share my journey with others in case I failed.....now my blog is open for all to read. 

I let fear rule me, and that is where the spiritual comes in. You will have to wait to hear that part!

Moving

To get yourself up and move is one of the most important things to do when it comes to weight loss. And sometimes that means getting up at 5am! Ok today it was 5:45 but I most recently signed up at the YMCA because I know that I need more than just the basic 30min cardio. And what did I do my 1st morning? Spinning! Man is my body sore and did I ever sweat. I couldn't do everything, and don't really know the equipment well. But I got in there for an hour and pushed myself as hard as I could. I will continue to go, it is a great kick start to the morning. There are a lot of other classes I would like to do, so I'm excited to adventure forward in it.
I seem to be a little restless in life right now, I know that I get here often. But I'm trying to determine what is making me feel this way.
My advice to you is to just move...even just a little bit!

The Power of Photos

I remember never liking having my picture taken. But here are some that show me before I decided to change my life.

32 more lbs!

All the normal things aren't working any more, so I need to push myself more. Time to go to a more expensive gym so that I can take classes too!
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone asks me how I'm losing weight and I tell them, which in return they respond oh I don't have money to do that. Well my friends, you do have money for it. Whether it is Weight Watchers, the gym or any other program that will help you succeed you need to figure out how you can pay for it. And here are some helpful hits.
1. Cut back on Starbucks....now I'm not saying quit buying coffee, just cut back. Don't buy the $5 Venti, get the $3 tall instead or the $1.50 tall coffee. Not only will you save about $50 a month, you will also cut back a bunch of wasted calories!
2. Do you really need to large size that meal at fast food? Same reasons as above.
3. Why don't you cook at home? Even just once a week? Or make all your lunches and take them to work, did you know you could make your lunch for as low as $2 a day! Also your able to control your portions and fat intake that way.
Just in those 3 examples I have saved you over $100 a month!
That's $40 for WW, $40 for the gym and an extra $20 for savings(or a 5k)!
Your excuse should never be that you can't afford it, because the way I look at it you really can't afford not to. I mean you do want to live right don't you?

July 20th 2011

My friend Cassie Morgan and I have been on this journey together for the last year, although I have been on it longer then her we are both losing. And we want to hit our goal weight by her B-day 7/20/11. Once we do that we will go on a cruise in Aug. to celebrate!!
It has been awesome to be able to share my journey with my sweet friend and also to hear how she is doing. Her and I have taken 2 totally different approaches at weight loss but in the end hope to reach our goals. I have been on Weight Watchers, which has worked wonderfully for me. And she has set a plan for herself to follow and I must say she is rockin at it!!
An update on my goal it is 164 and currently I'm at 196...so 32lbs. The reason my goal is 164 it that with WW you have to set a goal within your healthy weight and height range and 164 is the top of that range for me. I can't imagine being any smaller than that, I can't even being that small and well last year I couldn't imagine being the weight I am now.

Winter

Winter always seems to be more than just a season outside for me. I seem to experience it spiritually too. And even physically. I find myself alone in a room full of people. People cancel on me daily and I think it is me. But then I realize how God is trying to get my attention, that He is jealous and wants me to spend my energy telling him what is going on in my life. How he longs to have a lunch with me, or coffee in the morning. How even though I feel so alone in winter He is there pushing me forward, He is pruning all the things I need to get rid of. And my job is to let these things go, to listen to what God is calling me to do and cut off the things I need to do.

Where did I lose Christmas?

I used to love this season, it used to be fun. Filled with family, gifts and snow.

Now I'm no better than Scrooge, I don't like the snow, or the music, or decorating.

I can pinpoint certain things in life that have turned this holiday season into torture. And all in all I need to process through them and move on. No more dwelling on it.

I would like to refocus to the real meaning of Christmas. Beyond the belief of the world it is not to buy presents for people, get stressed over shopping or drink eggnog.

But it is to give, to give in the same way God gave His only son to us. Now it is time to celebrate that. Past consumerism and onto giving people what they need not what they want. God knew we would need saving, but mostly wouldn't want it till we understood what it was. He has met our needs, how will you meet someone's need this Christmas? Do you need to share Christ with them? Give them food, clothes or just a note that tells them they are loved.

I don't remember gifts from the past, but I do remember words....life giving and life stealing words. What words can you share this season that will give life?